Mother’s Day is celebrated all over the world – the special day we’ve set aside to celebrate motherhood. For those lucky enough, our mothers are the one constant in our lives who never give up on us. They are always fighting our corner and provide us with the secure place we go to when things are not going our way. Mothers are often the centre of families and often have multiple roles. ‘Mothers’ are the grand-mothers, aunts and sisters who are pivotal figures in many of our lives. What do you and your family do to mark Mother’s Day?
Traditionally children buy their mum a lovely bunch of flowers or chocolates and give a Mother’s Day card. There’s a lovely family gathering for Sunday lunch with everyone chipping in to give mum a well-earned rest. The posts on Social Media remind us how special mums are. There is nothing wrong with this version the day; and it’s a lovely way to spend the day showing mum how special she is.
Remembering on Mother’s Day
For some though, Mother’s Day will be something different. Especially for those whose mothers have died. Perhaps it is a visit to a special place, lighting a candle or going to where they were buried or cremated.
Some of those posts on social media will be memorial pictures, remembering their mothers and paying tribute. It may mean weeks of going into your local shops with the constant reminders. Memories of past occasions are triggered by the sight of oceans of flowers, cards and gifts and the “mum would have liked that…” moment. This is followed by a sadness that the ideal version mentioned above is not yours. Mother’s Day is about connection between mothers and their children and it goes both ways. It can also be an especially painful time for those who have suffered the loss of a child. This includes parents of older children for whom Mother’s Day is also a difficult time.
Disconnected
It may not be bereavement that separates. There are many reasons people may not be in touch with their mothers. Those who have lost contact or who are far from home. Relationships that are not the rosy picture on the front of cards on display. The words not matching with their reality. It may be that mum is ill and unable to share that day with you in body but only in spirit. Her mind may not be as it was, she may not recognise you and there may not be that physical connection you cherish.
Whatever your circumstances, Mother’s Day for some, can be another day when you are reminded that your situation is not the same as others. For you and your family Mother’s Day has a different meaning.
Support is out there
Many organisations distribute helpful information around special days like this and offer additional avenues of support including: Marie Curie – Coping with Grief on Mothers Day and Cruse – Grieving on Mother’s Day.
As a Bereavement Counsellor I have listened to various versions of Mother’s Day. I have heard the many ways in which families choose to mark the occasion or as in some cases prefer not to.
If you or a family member are finding the loss of a someone difficult on Mother’s Day or at any time of the year, give Sharon a call.