Christmas - A difficult time of year

Not always a Joyful time

That time of year is upon us again and the big push to have a Merry Christmas has begun. Whilst many are caught up in the glitter and sparkle of the season, for others this will be a most difficult time of the year. If you have suffered a loss, separation, homelessness or financial difficulties, Christmas may be something you dread rather than enjoy. It is an occasion which does not last for just one day but begins with several weeks of preparation. Shops glisten with tinsel and Christmas songs boom out of speakers as people rush around to buy gifts.

The big drive to plan “the day” and invitations to events with family, friends and work abound. If you are alone, the reality of loneliness is made stronger by TV, social media and radio depictions of constant merriment. While you might be be worrying about the bills landing on the mat in January.

Loneliness and Loss felt at Christmas

Christmas can be most difficult for those who are alone or whose family are far away. The ability to be able to connect around the world makes it easier for people to keep in touch. Unfortunately, there are many people who will spend Christmas day alone, without speaking to anyone. The feeling of isolation can be worse when your office is closed over Christmas. This means that some people are spending a longer period away from any social interactions.

Traditionally a time for children, for Santa, Rudolph and school nativity plays Christmas is hardest for parents whose child has died. Pressure to ensure that other children in the family have some sort of Christmas, not wanting to spoil other people’s day and just not feeling the festive cheer for obvious reasons, can leave parents feeling overwhelmed.

There is a lot of emphasis on family and whether a loss is recent or even many years past, it can bring up a lot of memories and stir emotions. It may be the first Christmas since the death of your loved one. This may cause conflict in families as they struggle to find their own ways of remembering.

Something you can do for yourself?

If you or someone you know is worried about loneliness or loss this Christmas, consider these ideas in the lead up to, and on the day itself:

It may be helpful to plan how you would like Christmas to be. Try and talk about how you are feeling with family or carers
Be flexible and leave yourself room to change your plans if you are feeling different on the day. For example tell people that you may come but it may be for an hour or so.
Make your wishes known about cards and presents. Do you want to receive or send cards? If so, do you want the deceased person to be remembered? If you are sending cards perhaps you may say something like “remembering …..at this time of year”
Assign a part of the day to reflect
Acknowledge the day will be very different
Light a candle or visit a special place, perhaps a grave or memorial
Check on neighbours and family members who may be alone
Donate to a charity either with money or your time – maybe to a homeless charity for example
Take care of yourself, go for a walk or other exercise

Getting support at Christmas

For you, Christmas can be a time when you remember that your situation is not the merry jolly Christmas card scenario. If this time of year is particularly difficult for you and you need someone to talk to there are organisations which have support available over the holiday period including:

As a Bereavement Counsellor, I have heard the many ways in which families choose to spend Christmas, whether that be in the traditional way or by doing something entirely different.

If you or a family member are finding Christmas a difficult time of the year, whether that be because of loss, loneliness or any other reason please visit our website at I Need Therapy and if you think we may be able to help give Sharon or Emma a call.